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Is it possible to feel so alone? Not lonely.

Just alone.

I live on a planet of billions of people. The thought of so many people co-existing on this revolving blue orb always amazes me.

I have no conception of billions and billions of people.

I’ve never experienced more than tens of thousands.

The closest I’ve got is looking down at all the lights from an aircraft descending for our landing.
Thousands of little dots of brightness shining in the blackness of the night.
Each tiny pin prick is a home.
Sprinkled over the hills, snake-like curves of street lights.
An amazing sight as I descend, land and travel to the light of my home.

The last time I lay on an operating table I felt truly alone.
Mentally preparing for surgery, the anesthetic, taking deep breathes on a hard, thin,cold operating table,
I thought, “No one can do this for me or with me. I’m alone.”
It was a realization.
It was okay to do things alone.

Sometimes you have to and sometimes you chose to.

For the last decade
I’ve chosen to be alone.
To wake up alone.
To have breakfast alone.
To have coffee alone.
To work alone too.

The only time I cried was that first time walking on the beach, on the sand, alone.

Then I connected with the beauty around me, taking photographs. Actually it was the early version of Instagram on my phone. I’d take a photo of the tidal pool, the water gushing to the ocean or the waves crashing against the rocks at High Tide.

Then I’d play with the filters.
Try this and try that.
Tweaking the brightness and the contrast.
Focusing on the natural beauty made me feel grateful.

I took some amazing photos and that made me happy.
So we need to be creative.
It brings joy into our lives.
Creating something that wasn’t there before feels good.

I discovered more things that made me happy.

Mostly it was letting go of the things that didn’t make me happy.

And now I’m alone, so either I’m imaging the unhappy thing, like a memory. Its not actually making me unhappy, I’m just remembering being unhappy.
Change the channel.
Fill my thoughts with a different choice.
Change the channel.
Find something  the makes you feel good.

Or there’s something or someone I’m not feeling good around. There’s no permanent ties remember, no partner, no mother, no one permanent under the same roof sharing the breakfast table.
It’s easy to let them go.
So let go.

Actually it’s really just choosing to appreciate something in what you are doing,

There is always a plus.
I’m talking about simple things.
Even if you are just making a quick salad for lunch.
Just having the carrots and celery is an achievement.
I created enough money to be able to buy fresh, good quality veggies.
I’m choosing healthy stuff to eat.
That’s also good.

We take so much for granted.

I used to.

Just being happy 80% of your day is something that not many can claim.

Being content.

Adapt to the gusts of wind.

Be flexible, like the long fronds of the palm tree.
Standing fall yet bending when its blowing.

There will come a time when you will be alone.

There may be people around but you don’t connect.
It’s not to be feared.

It doesn’t mean nobody wants you. There are lots of people that are on their own happily.

Until the right person comes along, it’s better to be on your own.

It’s an adjustment and after a while you’ll see the plus side out ways the downside.

Some can’t bear the alone-ness and feel lonely.

Some connect deeply with their true being and experience life at a higher vibration.

That’s more important and takes practice to keep the vibration on the high side.

So keep practicing and let me know how you feel in the comments.